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BrokenPiecesOfLife
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Name: Andrew Musolf
Country: United States
State: Michigan
Birthday: 1/25/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: Poetry, guitar, bass, reading, writing, my relationship with Christ. Oh....and my Fiance TRACY!!!!!!!
Expertise: Ranting and raving, expressing my thoughts and opinions on Christianity, the Church at large, or just life in general
Occupation: Student
Industry: Ministry
Email: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  werdnaflosum
MSN: werdnaflosum@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  werdnaflosum
Member Since:
9/10/2004
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| Playing: Bruce Springsteen - The Darkness On The Edge Of Town
Update: http://www.indystar.com/article/20090706/LOCAL/907060354/1001/ARCHIVE/Heroin+takes+hold+again+--+with+younger+abusers
This is a truly sad story. As someone who willingly became involved with, abused, became addicted to, and eventually overcame (and still fight with craving and desire on some level) heroin abuse I am truly heartbroken reading that kids are now able to get their hands on it easier than I ever did. Even more so that it is now more readily usable. For so long injection was the method of use, but now putting into form to smoke, take as a pill or even snort just gives people an even better way to destroy themselves.
I do still fight with desire. I can have everything going right in my life or nothing and I still want to see myself crumble into dust. I don't know why and I feel that this addiction, which truly is a lifelong addiction both physically and psychologically, feeds into it.
More and more, I think that I am going to use my degrees to work with drug counseling and rehabilitation programs and work hopefully, in schools and work on prevention programs aimed at kids who are on the already dangerous slope of abuse. I really don't even know where I'd start.
But please, read the article, it is important...and if you know anyone involved with, or showing signs of addiction, reach out to them, they need it more than they realize.
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| Playing: Brave Saint Saturn - Enamel (Unedited Original Mix); Bela Fleck and the Flecktones - Amazing Grace (Instrumental Bass Guitar Solo)
Update:
From Noel via Facebook
http://failuremag.com/index.php/feature/article/the_unlikely_disciple/
I heard about this project a few weeks ago and tagged it as interesting in my head, fully meaning and intending to look into it more and post about it.
Anywho, I think that this interview pretty well speaks for itself. Its always good to encounter someone with a truly open mind.
I hope that more people reach out across what truly is, a culture barrier and attempt to understand the other side. And hopefully, if we're lucky, everyone will start to see everyone else for what they are. Fellow human beings and maybe we can stop demonizing each other and hiding behind legalistic and hypocritical systems while judging each other for either being too sheltered and conservative or for being liberal mosters who are godless and going straight to Hell.
Just my two cents
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| Playing: Obadiah Parker - Hey Ya (Acoustic OutKast Cover)
Update:
So, this is a bit late in my posting....I did submit an article to the local paper for the editorial section which either didn't make the cut at the time or just hasn't been posted yet...and I am thinking about trying to be an online reader/contributor to the IndyMetromix Magazine website....wow that's a mouthful.
Anywho....
I've been following the what is apparently news story about the catholic church being in an outrage because the head of the University of Notre Dame invited our President to give the commencement address. Upon this invitation, the head of the cathedral at the university decided that he was going to boycott the event and there has been different levels of protest ever since.
From what I've been able to determine from the newspaper and other online news sources the main issue at hand with why they are against President Obama giving the address is because his political party association supports women's right to choose to have an abortion as well as supporting increased funding to medical stem cell research.
Fine, I see why the catholic church would have a problem with that particular viewpoint. I understand that they think that these are bad things in the name of religion. What I don't understand is why they couldn't accept the honor of having the President Of The United States deliver the commencement address which I could garuntee wouldn't have any slightest HINT of those topics. Of all the places that Mr. Obama could campaign for those hot topic issues, doing it in front of graduating college students and their parents and families is not the best place for it. The President knows it, his staff knows it, the administrators at the school know it (which is why they invited him knowing his viewpoints), and I think that deep down the archbishop at the cathedral knows it too and just really wants to make a scene and cause the media to explode with controversey which is exactly what he has successfully done.
I am incredibly proud of the government administration for not responding to this ridiculous frenzy and am personally looking forward to seeing how it turns out on Sunday.
I did have more to say on this topic and if my article gets published, I will post the whole thing, however, I am pressed for time at the moment and need to get going.
Good day.
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| Playing: Metallica - Tuesday's Gone (Lynard Skynard Cover); Pearl Jam - Love Reign O'er Me (The Who Cover)
Update: I have not updated this thing in a truly long time, I haven't even really written anything in a truly long time. I kinda miss that, and I plan to get back into it. Consider it a New Year's Resolution of sorts.
I've been wrestling with my faith lately. For a long time I had completely fallen away from it. It wasn't until seeing how much that the lack of it affected those that I am close to did I even consider looking back. This was because frankly, things were going OK. I had some problems with relationships, but then again I had those same problems even when I had my faith completely intact. Or at least as intact as its ever been. Then things actually started to get better, things were going pretty good. Relationships started to improve, and I even started to form new ones. I was feeling happy. And I mean actually FEELING happy. Not the sort of numb, non-emotional, I should be happy so I'll look happy kind of thing that usually occurs with me and my emotionally fucked up self.
Anywho, I saw from a few examples, mainly two really close friends that my lack of faith was hurting them, and saw how much I had truly impacted them through who I was and through my convictions and insights that came from within that faith. That hurt. Broke my heart to see that I did that to those that I love. The second breaking point was when I looked around at the suffering within this world and it no longer made me feel sick to my stomach. The compassion that drove me before and the empathy of the suffering of those around me was gone. I had become numb to the human condition of simply existing. In my state of "happiness" I had simply become content. I didn't seek anything, I wasn't reaching toward anything. I was stuck, and realizing that drove me nuts. I felt trapped, worthless and disappointed that I could have ever let myself get there.
So, I started to look back at what changed, what happened to cause me to turn away in the first place. The strange thing is that it wasn't so much a conscious choice to turn away from faith, it just kind of happened because I stopped placing a high priority on it. It became secondary. Less than secondary, almost tertiary or lower in the priority list. Then, after pushing it onto the back burner, I just let other things in life dominate my focus, and I stopped reading the theology books, other Christian or religious writing, stopped going to church, stopped praying and eventually stopped thinking about God in general. Sometime in there, I did think about God and decided that if I was doing so much better now without Him than I was with Him then there really wasn't a point in it at all and I chose to turn away. I became literally faithless....didn't believe in anything but didn't really believe in nothing either. I think it was this choice that really hurt those around me. And still at this point in time I hadn't noticed. I'm sure that if I had paid the slightest bit of attention I would have.
Recently I've had some things happen both due to choices that I've made and unforeseen circumstances that have disrupted my life in a fairly substantial way, and while its not the end of the world. It jolted me. So I turned to those that I love for support. In talking with them, I learned just how much has changed within myself.
So, now I want to go back, I'm not entirely sure how to go about doing that however. I seem to have forgotten so much.
Thinking now about possible reasons why I "felt" so much better when I wasn't interacting with my faith on a regular basis was probably because I didn't have the crippling guilt that has always plagued me. Guilt over my own inadequacies. Guilt over the pain and suffering in this world and how I could do so much more to help. Guilt over choices that I've made knowing them to be wrong and doing them anyway.The guilt made me feel miserable. But it also pushed me to do better, to do more. It pushed me to improve myself. To try to improve the world around me. And while doing this I realize that I in turn pushed others to do better themselves. I don't want to come back to faith only to be burned again by people who are a better reflection of American Elitism than of Christ's humility. I don't want to come back to have a feel good experience and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I want to come back to faith to be challenged by others in Christ who want to see me push myself. I want to have someone teach me who knows more than me in theological aspects and who is also willing to be pushed back and continue to grow themselves. Sadly, this is probably asking too much out of our postmodern American watered down Christianity but dammit I'm going to try!
And that's about the best I can do right now. Oh, and start praying again. Gotta work on that more. | | |
| Playing: Rage Against The Machine - Take The Power Back, Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name, Rage Against The Machine - War Within A Breath
Update: I've lost old friends, made new one's, found old one's, lost friends that I thought I had made....all in all it speaks to my awkward social life. The only "friends" that I legitimately have are probably the people that I see every day at work. And even then I wouldn't really call them friends, though I would certainly have a beer and sit and talk with any of them and maybe even hustle them for a game or two of pool. To be honest the best description of what my co-workers are is this: the awkward family that you don't necessarily want to be around but kind of have to and you make the best of it.
Reconnecting with old friends that you haven't talked to in years is a bit awkward in and of itself. In a way it makes you regress to that time of your life. For me in this instance that time is high school. And if you've read any of this blog dating back a few years you know what a joyful time of my life that was. Yet, at the same time it makes me reflect on how far I've come in my own life through circumstances life has given me and the choices I've made in coping with those circumstances. It also gives me a chance to see how others have handled similar circumstances and to see what life has given to others. I also have the opportunity to sit back and laugh at the way that it seems that everyone regresses when they reconnect with people from their past.
I guess I'm just nostalgic for the things in my past. It seems looking back that I had more control over myself at that point in my life. I think that's because I've complicated things for myself and while I'm sure that not all of my choices have been bad, I do recognize a few poor decisions and I do resent myself for those decisions. I also feel burdened. I think that I may be dwelling on these choices and fantasizing about living in an alternate choice rather than seeing the road ahead of me and being proactive towards it. Instead I'm being chronically reactive and letting life happen to me. I complain that I'm not where or who I want to be and I'm becoming more and more convinced that this is my own fault. Still it seems that every step I take in a positive direction something forces me three steps backward and that pisses me off to no end. Which is why I think I've reached the point of giving up.
This is where I am.
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