| | Playing: Mazzy Star - Fade Into You
Update: I am horrible at keeping up with this thing. I keep thinking that if I were motivated I would start a real blog. And if I had a real blog I would actually keep up with it. But I think that since I failed the test of keeping this one up that I don't deserve a real blog.
Anywho, things to update about. I feel like I spin my wheels and get nothing accomplished. I did finally get my curtains hung up this weekend. I only procrastinated about it for 3 months. So victory dance for me. WooHoo.
My job doesn't take that much out of me, but at the same time it feels like it does. It doesn't make much sense. I like what I do, I at least don't hate what I do. And I just got one promotion and I will probably be getting another one come January. Its something. I also want to move. Part of me wants to go back to Michigan and be near the friends that I left there. The only ones who I manage to still talk to. I love this city here, but I just don't have anything going on other than work. And if I try hard enough I can get a job doing just about anything anywhere. It might not be the greatest job ever but its better than nothing. Then there is the part of me that still desperately hates Michigan and never ever ever ever ever ever want to live there again and feels that 4 hours away is a comfortable distance. I think I'm ready for something new. I still want to be within 2 hours of a major metropolitan area. But I also want a decent lawn to mow and a space for a garden, and I wouldn't mind a dog or two or more. As long as they don't eat my baby kitties, not that Rubius would stand for being eaten. I think I like the idea of Wyoming. Its less than two hours from Denver, which is a bad-ass city. And Cheyenne is a decent enough city where I wouldn't feel like a hick like living back in St. Johns again. True, there is snow, which I desperately still hate. Hell, I live in Indy right now and the snow is about 10% of what it is in Michigan and I still hate it. But I think I can learn to deal. I mean, its Mountain-Snow...that's different right?
I also don't know what kind of dream career I could possibly want. I don't have any lofty goals. I used to but those have faded along with the faith that I used to have. It seems that my passion, and my faith and my convictions and my motivation and my social righteousness were all intermingled and then they kind of all died a horrible horrible death all at once. They have yet to pull a Lazarus on me here so I don't much know what's going on with that.
Lately I've been feeling strangely family oriented. Like I am looking for more than what I have and I'm not finding it and it is depressing to me. I feel incomplete in the situation that I'm in now. I've thought of different ways to remedy this. But nothing seems logical, feasible or what I really want in the end of things.
As of three weeks ago, I have begun work on a new piece of writing, completely different from anything that I've tried to do before. The collection of essays and theological thoughts is still there. But its a bit difficult to write a piece like that when you don't believe in what you are talking about. Even if you know the ideas and understand the teaching, you can't put any fire into it without passion on the subject. So I'm moving away from that for a while. I'm working on what should become a novel sometime in the next year or so. So far I'm pretty impressed with myself for having not attempted actual fiction short of a few short stories before. Perhaps I will post some snippets here and there. Yeah, I think that sounds like a good idea. We'll see if it actually happens. Probably not. But I'll pretend to try. I promise that much.
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| | Posted 10/26/2009 3:01 PM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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